Monday, October 8, 2012

being the mama.

       Shortly after the birth of my gorgeous baby girl, I got into a sort of mental funk. It didn't last long, thanks to a stellar hubs -Oh, have I ever mentioned how great he is? Yes? Ok just making sure- and a change in perspective... or rather remembering that an eternal perspective is always the source of joy.
       A couple weeks after Pearl was born I started to feel a little trapped. Just stuck at home, ya know? I don't know why, but I found myself thinking of the times before kids, when I could go wherever, whenever, basically- and hang out with friends and the like. When I used to be able to shower in the mornings and put makeup on and do my hair everyday. And go to the bathroom alone. I don't know what it was about having two rather than one. Maybe it was me not knowing exactly how to divide my attention, and being a little overwhelmed- I don't know. So what got me out of this ridiculous little attitude?

    Getting out with the hubs. That first month Josh and I got to go out a few times on actual dates. That was such a refresher for me. I'm so grateful to good friends who have watched our kiddies! Leaving a newborn might be hard- mentally- but I'm convinced that it really is ok- no, necessary-  to get out for a couple hours once in a while during the first couple of months. It can sure be hard when you're breastfeeding, but if you're only gone for a couple hours and can leave a bottle of pumped milk, you really don't need to stress about it. (Yeah right, huh?)

   My amazing kids, duh! Going out with my man is SO much fun. But so is coming home to the cutest, greatest kids in the world. Seriously, it's such a special feeling to come home to them. Even after just a couple hours. Josh and I are suckers for those kids. We enjoy our time together but we always miss them when we're gone. So after having those feelings of motherhood jadedness, then going out with Josh and coming home to those kids... I felt better. I looked into their eyes, gave them hugs and kisses, and played and laughed with them (Pearl doesn't laugh a ton yet, but she's still fun) and felt better. I look at them, you know, really look at them, and I see pure joy.

And I just started thinking about motherhood and the importance of it. How can I not feel important when I am literally someone's whole world? Morgan's world is getting bigger every day but I'm still such a huge part of it. I'm everything to him. And Pearl- she relies on me for every tiny little thing. I really am her everything. And Josh and those kids are mine.

So I guess what really got me out of it is remembering what it's all about. These relationships I have that are eternal and the source of true happiness.


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